In my work with adult clients, a frequent theme that arises during sessions is that of boundaries.

They are the limits we place to protect our needs, our hearts, our bodies, amongst others. Few of us have learned healthy boundaries during our childhoods, and the effects can be felt throughout our adulthood. There are many challenges in establishing and maintaining boundaries, but the most common complaint is what I would like to challenge.

For anyone who’s ever taken a flight, you’ve all heard the safety demonstration telling you to put your own oxygen mask on first, before you help others to do the same. This doesn’t just apply to flights, emergencies and cabin pressure changes.

The reality is, that as women, we need to learn to put our own oxygen masks on everyday.

Recently, I’ve heard from several women that they’re putting themselves last.  Some want to make a change and put themselves first and others have said that they “don’t exist” until a certain point because they’re so overwhelmed by life, the demands on their time and energy, as well as everything else that’s happening on a daily basis. This also includes caring for their loved one.

Throughout my career, I have asked clients about their goals: hundreds of clients, hundreds of goals. There is one answer that wins the majority, by landslide. The answer I typically get is “ I just want to be happy”. I hear this reply so often, it’s hard to remember if I’ve heard anything else in response.

If this is a goal you have set for yourself, the biggest obstacle in reaching this goal is your brain. This magnificent, complex, poorly understood organ. It is evolution's greatest marvel. It is the reason we have survived and evolved over millennia.

Have you ever told yourself to remember not to do something, only to do it anyway?

A number of years ago, I took a college course that required a final exam. As my children were still young, I arranged to drop them off with my parents on the day of the exam. I had, coincidently, misplaced my spare car key.

So, driving the children to my parent’s house, anxious about this exam to begin with, and now concerned about losing my remaining car key, I reminded myself over and over, “don’t lock the keys in the car… don’t lock the keys in the car...” And of course, that is exactly what I ended up doing – I walked the children into their grandparent’s house and came back out to find I had locked the car and left the keys in the ignition.

As I tell my clients, “if self-care feels like just another thing you have to do, you're doing it wrong”.

There are many ways of taking care of yourself; getting enough sleep, eating well, exercising, etc. But I think many of us are missing a really important part of self-care.

We’ve all had our fair share of stress over the last few years with the pandemic and all that’s come from that. Some of you have felt more stress with the loss of work, while others have felt like they have been working like a dog. Some people have been called heroes by some and spit on by others. We’ve also seen one of the most concerning protests in Canada in recent memory. All these events add stress to our lives!

Addictions counseling and treatment provide support to the most vulnerable people, at a time when the family is in crisis. Unfortunately, there are many companies that prey upon the desperation of those affected by addiction.

Not all rehabs are created equal.

Today I'm talking about one of my favourite ways to quiet overthinking, perhaps even begin to prevent it and allow your brain an opportunity to rest. While there are a ton of different articles, blogs and other posts about overthinking, this is a little different.

I used to wonder why this happened to me. I’d even try staying up super late hoping exhaustion would help me avoid it. Going to bed early (especially if I wasn’t tired) only made it worse. Thankfully, I’ve found a few tips and tricks over the years which have helped me stop overthinking or quiet my mind when it does happen.

When I hear 'should' coming out of my mouth, I think I've got a ball and chain attached to my ankle. 'Should' is so heavy. It's so full of obligation. It's so judgmental. I allow myself to make a change and reframe how I'm thinking about that 'should.'