“I’m Sorry, I Forgot…”: The Reality of ADHD and Memory
Welcome to the third part in my new series ~ ADHD 101. Each part will address different aspects of working, loving and living with ADHD. As a psychotherapist and someone diagnosed with this disorder, I hope this series goes beyond the basics of showing what ADHD is, but rather shows you how different life is wired divergently.
“I’m sorry, I forgot...” is a common phrase ADHDers say more often than we ever want to. We know that we say it more often than the average person and we hate it. And if you have an ADHDer in your life, the repetition of the phrase takes all the meaning out of it. This leaves us, and you, incredibly frustrated. I hope the following sheds some light on why forgetfulness is such a struggle for ADHDers.
Generally, we think of either short-term memory or long-term memory when asked about the timelines of our recollections. However, there are many different memory types. Even shorter than short-term memory is ‘working memory’.
Working memory
It’s the ‘place holder’ type of memory where you put a time and date you need to write down while you're looking for a pen. Once you find the pen, write down the info, it vanishes from your memory. The ‘slot’ is now open for the next piece of information you need to hold in your mind for just a short while. For ADHDers, working memory doesn’t work (ha ha) as well as neurotypicals, because 1) we have fewer ‘slots’ available and 2) our attention can shift during the ‘holding’ time.
Saving our Memories
There are three steps to hitting the ‘save’ button in our brains to transfer the information from the ‘holding slot’ into storage. This process involves encoding, storage and retrieval. Encoding requires us to understand the information. Then, we can store it. Our brains LOVE categories. So, while holding the newly understood information, our brains look for similar data to batch together.
Retrieving Memories
ADHDers can have difficulty with ‘free recall’, or remembering something spontaneously. We need cues or prompts to recall where we stored the memory i.e. remembering which batch we put the information into. Only then can we pull it out of storage. For example, remembering you promised to bring your co-worker the novels you were talking about only when you see them again.
Solutions
There are many points along the memory route where ADHDers stumble. Here are two ways we can fill in the gaps:
Compensate with external memory storage
Use a hand-written to-do list to keep track of tasks or a journal where you can record needed information. I highly recommended the ‘Bullet Journal’ method, as its creator is an ADHDer.
Try project management software like Notion, Asana, Monday, or Trello
Lower the demand on your limited ‘slots’
Use a brain dump method if you’re overwhelmed with all the tasks/ items you need to recall
Use visual cues: Put things where you can see them e.g. an item you need to take out on the counter, or a sticky note with a reminder on the bathroom mirror.
The reality is that our faulty working memory and inability to ‘free recall’ will lead to problems in our lives. Sometimes, we need to tell it like it is. Instead of spending time and energy being frustrated and fighting against the limitation, try the above strategies to work with it.
If you find yourself unable to cope, don’t hesitate to reach out for more information. I’m happy to problem-solve with you!
Alicia
PS - In case you missed the first two articles, you can get them here:
What’s in a Name? Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
The ADHD Brain and Emotions: Why We Overreact and How to Cope
