Growing Confidence in Our Children

Self-esteem is a key part of a child’s emotional development. It shapes how they see themselves, relate to others, and handle life’s challenges. Youth begin to form their identity and self-worth based on experiences at home, school, and in social settings. Helping them build strong self-esteem during these formative years sets the foundation for a confident, resilient future. Encouraging a positive environment to nurture a healthy self-esteem in children can be done through multiple aspects of their lives – from a parent’s love, allowing choices, and being mindful of our language.

Unconditional Love, Choices & Setting Goals

The most important aspect of building confidence in children, is acknowledging that they need to know that they are loved no matter what. Praise and discipline are both part of parenting, but unconditional love means they feel secure and valued even when they make mistakes. A simple “I love you” or hug after a tough day goes a long way in helping them feel emotionally safe and confident. Take that extra moment at bedtime each night to let them know just how loved they are – yes, even when they drive us crazy!

When children are trusted with tasks; like setting the table, organizing their school bag, or feeding a pet, they feel capable and useful. These small responsibilities foster independence which teaches them that they can make a difference. Start with simple chores and increase responsibility as they grow. Try making a “chore chart” where they can see a physical reminder of how responsible they are.

Along with responsibility, foster independence and encourage decision-making skills through allowing choices. Even small choices, like choosing their clothes, picking a snack, or deciding which book to read, can empower kids. Offering age-appropriate choices helps them feel in control of their lives and encourages decision-making skills. Providing even small tasks and choices shows that you trust their judgment, which is a huge boost to their confidence!

Setting small, achievable goals teaches children that they can work toward something and succeed. Whether it’s finishing a puzzle, learning to ride a bike, or reading a new book, achieving goals builds pride and a sense of competence. Guide them in breaking bigger goals into manageable steps. Focusing on effort rather than outcome teaches children that it’s okay to try and fail.

Supporting Social Skills & Modeling Behaviours

Children learn by watching adults. By modeling healthy self-talk, practice self-care, and show how you handle mistakes with grace. When kids see you being kind to yourself, they’re more likely to do the same. Sometimes, the most powerful way to build a child’s self-worth is to simply listen. When children feel heard, they feel valued. Give them your full attention when they talk about their day, their interests, or their worries. Your presence shows them that their thoughts and feelings matter.

By providing youth a safe place to express themselves at home, they are able to start building on these skills socially with friends and peers. Friendships are a key part of self-esteem at this age. Encourage positive peer relationships and teach empathy, kindness, and conflict resolution. Role-playing common social situations can help children practice responses and gain confidence in handling different scenarios.

The Way We Speak Encourages Confidence!

Children are sensitive to the language adults use. Positive, encouraging words can build self-esteem, while harsh or critical remarks can damage it. If you talk negatively about yourself or others, they may mimic that behavior. So, what are some ways to change our wording to increase confidence?

When big emotions come in, acknowledge and vocalize the feelings you see in your children to normalize the fact that we all feel positive and negatives emotions sometimes. Saying “I see that you’re getting angry right now,” shows that we recognize a normal behaviour. Continue by saying, “It’s okay to feel angry when things don’t go the way we want.” This helps children to feel confident in themselves to show their true emotions as they grow.

Celebrate persistence, creativity, and problem-solving. Instead of saying, “You’re so smart,” say, “I’m proud of how hard you worked.” This helps them develop a growth mindset and reduces fear of failure.

Avoid comparing your child to siblings, classmates, or friends. Instead of saying, “Why can’t you be more like your sister?” try, “I love how unique you are!” Comparisons can cause self-doubt, while appreciation fosters confidence.

Every child has their own strengths and pace of learning. Try to replace phrases like “You never listen” with “Let’s try listening better together.” Focus on guiding rather than shaming.

Final Thoughts

Building self-esteem in children doesn’t require grand gestures or expensive clothes. Instead, it’s the consistent acts of love, support, and encouragement that make the biggest impact. By nurturing their confidence and teaching them to value themselves, we help them grow into happy, secure, and resilient individuals.

Remember, no child is born with self-esteem – it’s something they build over time, with the help of the adults who love and guide them.

Kate