A Year of Choosing Joy
In January of this year, I decided I wanted to be happier. In November/December 2023, I noticed I was complaining more and that I wasn’t as happy as I wanted to be; that I wasn’t excited about getting up in the morning or starting my day. I decided I needed to change this. I wanted to be happier. I wanted to be excited about getting up in the morning. I wanted to get back to finding the joy in the little things. Something I used to do frequently. I decided to start small and start a daily practice of noticing the good.
Noticing the Good
When I say ‘noticing the good’, I’m referring to noticing one good thing that happened today. It can be big or small. It might be something as small as having a quiet moment to yourself or sitting looking at the way the sun filters through the trees that brings a smile to your face. It might be that your coffee was especially tasty today. Simply noticing one moment of happiness as it was happening.
Instead of only noticing in the moment and feeling grateful, I decided I wanted to take it a step further. I decided to grab an inexpensive notebook from the dollar store and write down at least one good thing each day. This way, when I was having a hard day, I could look back at all the good I’d experienced so far this year.
Three Months in…
The changes I noticed after three months were small but mighty. I noticed that I was looking forward to writing down the good things. I noticed that I had more good things to write about and I also found joy in flipping back through the previous months to remind myself of all the small wins and the good things that had happened that I’d forgotten about.
Seven Months in…
I noticed that I was feeling happier and that I was missing days periodically. I’m grateful that I found that I could more easily recall the good things that had happened because I’d made a point of noticing them in the moment and taking the time to appreciate the good things at the time. When a missed day happened, I made a conscious choice to go back to fill in the good things for those days. I also found that I was far happier than I’d been in a long time, which I’m really grateful for and am enjoying immensely. I also found it far easier to express my gratitude to those around me who I appreciated. Being able to tell those I love and care about how much they matter to me also made them happy which in turn brought me more joy because I was able to make someone else’s day.
Twelve Months in…
I’m beyond grateful that I decided to start this simple practice. It’s made such an immense difference in my life. I’m far happier than I was this time last year. This is something that I plan to continue in the coming years because it’s made such a difference. Do I have hard days? Absolutely! Can I find one small thing that’s good to appreciate? Absolutely! When hard, frustrating, infuriating, annoying things (or days) happen, I find they fall away far faster and I’m back to being neutral if not happy far faster than I was previously. For this I’m grateful!
Healthy Positivity vs Toxic Positivity
I want to be really clear - I still have bad days! Not every day is only good and my life is not positive and awesome all the time. I’m human and this is normal.
The biggest difference between healthy positivity and toxic positivity is the inability to acknowledge that there is both good and bad in our lives. There will always be hard things. Toxic Positivity refuses to acknowledge that anything can be hard or bad - it maintains that everything must always be good. Toxic Positivity invalidates any negative emotion, feeling, reaction, or experience and says to suppress or ignore them in favour of forcing a positive emotion instead.
This isn’t reality and it isn’t healthy.
Finding the good in life can help to cultivate happiness and a positive outlook on life. Again, this doesn’t mean that bad or negative things, emotions or experiences don’t happen - they absolutely do! You can absolutely have a horrible day where nothing went right or according to plan; you can also find a very small glimmer of something good. That tiny little ray of sunshine or the silver lining on an otherwise cloudy day. Those small things can help a horrible day be a tiny bit less horrible and also help you leave it behind you at the end of that day.
Choosing joy and choosing happiness doesn’t mean that you ignore anger, sadness, frustration or any of the “negative” emotions. It just means that you pay attention to why they exist and that they’re not your default state. They’re there to point to something in your life that might need to change or maybe that your perception of that thing might need to shift. If anything, it helps you see what’s not working in your life far more clearly so you can decide what you want to do about it. That also means maybe acknowledging that you’re in a tough season and that it will end eventually but there isn’t much you can do about it at the moment.
Choosing happiness in the face of what’s hard while still acknowledging the hard things can help to make it a tiny bit easier.
“Where your attention goes, energy will flow.” James Redfield
What do you want to cultivate in your life? Is there a small thing you can do each day to move a little closer to that goal? Today is the day to start! If you need a helping hand, accountability or someone to help guide you - book a free 20 minute consultation and we can chat!
Andrea
PS - Are you looking for support in starting an even easier gratitude practice? Check out Who Made Your Shirt? A Gratitude Practice for Imperfect People. This is an even easier practice than the one I started.
Curious about Glimmers (aka noticing the good)? Check out Glimmers: Illuminating the Path to Positive Mental Health.
Want to understand more about the impact of positive self-talk? Check out Positive Self-Talk.
