It’s coming up to the 2-year anniversary of this pandemic. Despite working with COVID positive clients, providing direct health care, throughout 2021, I didn’t contract COVID until New Year’s Eve of 2021.

I didn’t know I had it until they tested me at work on Monday, January 3rd. 

That’s right. You read that correctly. I had COVID for 3 days before a test told me I had it. 

But I will get to that…

When I think COVID, I think of respiratory issues. I think of all the conversations I have heard about ventilators. But I didn’t have any respiratory problems. My initial symptoms were body aches, chills, fatigue, headache and runny nose. 

The chills only lasted one night and made me very grateful for my heating pad, which I slept on. Otherwise, the most persistent symptoms were fatigue and brain fog. When I say I couldn’t do anything other than lay on the couch, I'm not exaggerating. Loading the dishwasher would feel like heavy, manual labour. Someone would ask me a simple question and I had to really search my brain for the answer. Did we have more paper towels downstairs? I can’t remember…

My Dean’s List getting, overachieving self-felt dumb. 

So, I spent the first week binge-watching Netflix, and the second week slowly getting back to my regular self. The fatigue, runny nose and headaches only lasted the initial first week. After that, I was fine - except for the brain fog (I still felt like my IQ dropped to 50). In my experience, having previously enjoyed both mono and the flu, COVID wasn’t that intense. Or is it my perception and lack of *awareness* that I overlooked 3 days of symptoms?

I’ll let you decide. 

Yes, as a counsellor, I suffer from the same case of ‘not being able to see the forest for the trees’ as everyone else. 

How did I not notice that I was sick?

I explained my body aches by the fact that I had wiped out on an icy deck over Christmas (the previous week). So, when I was feeling extra sore and stiff, I assumed I was still healing from the epic fall that should have put a dent in the wood.  

The chills (and dysregulated temperature) I understood as a side effect of my medication. It may be winter, but my prescriptions have me wearing short sleeve shirts under my winter jacket. Otherwise, I’m just sweating. Thick, cozy sweaters are out - completely. 

The fatigue I blamed on the Twisted Teas I had drunk during New Years’ celebrations. I assumed I was feeling hungover and blamed the headache on this as well. I’m not much of a drinker. 

My sleep has also been poor. So, I assumed I was tired from too much sugary, alcoholic tea and staying up until midnight (which is way past my bedtime)…and the runny nose, well, I just ignore it. 

Maybe because once I rationalized an explanation for something, I took some Advil and put it out of my mind. 

What I wished I’d done is paused. I wish I’d taken a moment to take stock of myself, of what I was feeling, and look at the WHOLE picture. 

But I didn’t. Why? Because I have shit to do.

I have a to-do list that varies in size but never disappears. I have the tendency to be a human doing instead of a human being. 

Although I was raised in the era of participation ribbons, my immigrant parents reinforced achievements over relaxation, grades over hobbies and financial security above all. 

No, I'm not blaming my parents. They weren't wrong. They just had a scarcity mindset, and a lot of lived experience to support it. But combined with the ‘hustle culture’ (my topic for my next blog), my work ethic has led me to suppress or completely ignore my wellbeing. 

Given that I had no clue I had COVID for 3 days doesn’t reflect the mildness of its symptoms. It reflects my lacking self-care and self-awareness.

This new year started with a lesson and for this lesson, I’m grateful. 

Alicia